When I was just a wee twenty-two year old, I landed a cool, hot, adult job in corporate America: cold-calling small business owners. It was…not exactly what I thought I’d be doing straight out of college. The only thing that got me through the day was my desk mate Bobby*, an older buff man whose arms were the size of my thighs. We had nothing in common aside from the fact that we got hung up on for a living, which was enough bonding material for us to become close work friends.
Here’s the thing about Bobby. Bobby never stepped foot in the coveted corporate kitchen, but every day, around 4 o’clock, Bobby would dip his hand into his backpack and take out a fresh can of tuna. Truly puzzled, I’d watch in quiet bewilderment as he’d crack it open like a cold beer, lean back in his flexible mesh work chair on wheels, and eat it with a plastic fork.
*Name has been changed for legal reasons.
At the time, I thought Bobby just had a mean hankering for tuna. His comfort food. He’d sit there, nibbling on his tuna and answering emails like it was nothing while I’d sweep my fifth bag of corporate Cheetos off my keyboard and pretend like we were both somehow the same species of human. He never ate anything else, not a bag of chips, not even a coffee in the morning. I fixated on this habit of his over the course of a few months, until I finally, I spoke up:
Me: Hey Bobby. I’ve noticed that you only ever eat tuna. What gives?
Bobby: Oh, I’m keto.
Bobby: I don’t eat carbs or sugar.
Bobby: I rely on fats for energy. You know, to stay fit.
Me: Is that why you don’t drink coffee?
I couldn’t stomach this concept. No carbs? No sugar??? No coffee??? Why in the horrible hell would someone put their body through ketonism?
As it turns out, a lot of people are keto. In 2020, British company Supplement Place collected data from Google that confirmed the keto diet was the most searched for diet of all diets. Over 25.4 million searches, if we’re throwing numbers out. It appears that the general population had lost so much control of their own lives that year that they decided to take control the only way they knew they could: throw out the bread and pour the sugar down the drain.
But being keto is more than that. It’s an intense diet that many Americans follow because of its tried-and-true ways of burning the hard-to-burn fats that make themselves at home in our bodies. People go keto for lots of (somewhat) legit reasons. Some simply do it just to get beefier and more buff, like my buddy Bobby. Others do it to lose weight, and fast. Some forgo the carbs and sugar to help curb health-related issues, such as acne, epilepsy, and other neurological disorders. Some do it because gluten makes them puke.
Whatever your reason for being keto, we know that this diet can make ordering your morning coffee a royal pain. Have no fear. Boy do we have some good news for you. The Chagaccino is keto friendly. Friendlier than friendly. Each baggie contains zero sugar, making the Chagaccino the no-brainer option. Order it. Drink it. And don’t worry about a thing, because those massive arms and washboard abs are safe with us.
PSA: Diets aren’t for everyone. If you stop eating carbs and sugar altogether you could shrivel up and die. Just kidding. But you should most definitely *always* consult a real doc before committing to things of this nature.